2005-10-12 Romance, David Mamet, Cynthia Citron

It was almost as much fun watching the celebrity-packed audience as it was to watch the play. “Wow! This is just like the Academy Awards!” my friend said.

The event that brought the stars to the Mark Taper Forum was the opening of David Mamet’s new play Romance. A play that is as far removed from Mamet’s serious work (Glengarry Glen Ross, Speed-the-Plow, American Buffalo) as Michael Frayn’s Noises Off is from Hamlet.

In fact, Romance resembles Noises Off in its frenetic pace, its absurd characters and its downright silliness. It is British farce, written by a nice Jewish boy from Illinois. And, if you let yourself go, it’s a really entertaining bit of nonsense.

Lest I forget to mention it, Romance stars five men. Women are not even mentioned in passing. The only romance involved is a pouting tantrum performed by Noah Bean as Bernard (the only character in the play to have a name; the others are identified by their job titles), the flamboyant lover of the prosecuting attorney played by Jim Frangione.

The play is set in a courtroom and the trial is something about a trip to Hawaii that the defendant (Steven Goldstein) denies having taken. As for the charges, your guess is as good as mine. But director Neil Pepe has made sure that the pace is so fast and the timing so impeccable that you may not even notice that there is no logic to the plot. In fact, you may not even notice that there is no plot!

Ed Begley, Jr., as the defense attorney, does his earnest best. Not to free his client, but to get the hell out of there so he can take his son to a sports event. But the play belongs to Larry Bryggman as the sneezing, wheezing, allergic judge whose constant pill-taking distracts him from the business at hand. And from the moment he enters the courtroom, bedlam prevails. He interrupts the proceedings with inane questions and non sequiturs, he strips to his underwear, he is totally lunatic. And he brings down the house.

In between there are passages guaranteed to offend everyone. Begley, in his impatience, attacks his client, calling him every insulting name that a Jew has ever been called. “Why did you go to law school if you don’t want to lie?” his client responds at one point. There is also a long dissertation on “fags”. (“You watch black and white films!” the judge says accusingly. “What disturbs you about the color process?”) When someone claims that Shakespeare was a “fag,” Goldstein, the defendant, claims that Shakespeare was Jewish. His proof: “A Christian couldn’t write that well!” (And the same might be said of Mamet). The judge responds to an insult with, “What am I ---Switzerland? A country with no feelings?” And the defendant, who is a chiropractor, becomes the butt of jokes: “What is it you guys actually do?” the judge asks plaintively. In the end, the gay Bernard shows up with a “quiche offering” and everyone is forgiven.

There are a couple of other characters in the play. The excellent Steven Hawley carries his weight as the bailiff, and Todd Weeks has a small role as the doctor. And set designer Robert Brill has designed an attractive and serviceable set that shifts easily from the courtroom to other venues.

All in all, Romance, as I said before, is a really silly play. And you’ll love every minute of it!

Romance , the first production by the Center Theatre Group’s new Artistic Director Michael Ritchie, will continue at the Mark Taper Forum through November 13th. But don’t expect David Mamet to be in the audience to accept a standing ovation and the kudos of his friends, as he did on the opening weekend. The Mark Taper Forum is located at The Music Center, 135 N. Grand Avenue, in downtown L.A.