As retold by Bruce Lowitt

Mendel is at the Scarsdale station, waiting for the commuter train to New York City, when he sees a scale he hasn't noticed before. The sign above it says "State of the Art Talking Scale. Twenty-five cents."

He takes out a quarter and drops it in the slot as he steps on the scale.

A voice says, "You weigh one-hundred-and-seventy pounds and you're Jewish."

Stunned, Mendel steps off the scale, looks around, gets on again and
puts another quarter.

The voice says: "You weigh one-hundred-and-seventy pounds, you're Jewish and you're waiting for the seven thirty-five train to Grand Central to take you to your office at Goldman, Sachs."

This is nuts, Mendel thinks. He looks all around, trying to find the friend who's playing with him. Seeing no one he knows, Mendel slips into the men's room, takes off his jacket and tie and puts them in his briefcase, then  musses his hair and, for good measure, puts a Band-Aid across his nose.

As he walks back to the scale he hides the briefcase behind a bench, then steps
onto the scale and inserts another quarter.

The voice says: "You weigh one-hundred-and-seventy pounds, you're waiting for the train to Grand Central, you work at Goldman, Sachs. And one other  thing, you schmuck. While you were screwing around you missed the seven-thirty-five."