San Diego (special) -- It has been years since Jake Klein has seen his father, although the sixth grader at Soille San Diego Hebrew Day School can recall him perfectly. He says his father is--or was--tall, with black hair, moustache and a beard. The father disappeared many years ago and except for an occasional letter with no return address, Jake hasn't heard from him. The last correspondence was more than a year ago.

Often Jake would tell his mother, Janet Klein, that he wished he had a father, someone he could talk to about guy stuff. One day, she softly made a suggestion to him. Would he like to have a Jewish Big Brother in his life? A man with whom he could spend time?

Jake wasn't certain how he felt about the idea at all. But he agreed to a meeting. One day, Ben Dishman came to his house to visit. After a short time, the two of them decided to go on a hike in the canyon near Jake's house so they could talk. It was awkward at first, both of them a bit shy. But in the hour that they spent together that first day, they found out a few encouraging things about each other. Both of them liked animals; Dishman owned a dog and some fish, while Jake had guinea pigs, a turtle, a bird and some fish.

Jake Klein and Ben Dishman at Mission Bay

"He asked me if I had pets, and I asked him what sort of things he likes to do for fun, and whether he would like to do hikes, do bike rides, and go to movies," Dishman recalled recently. "We decided we would meet again the following week and take a walk."

How long did it take before they decided they really liked each other? "A day!" Jake replied promptly.Dishman beamed. 

The two have been Big and Little Brother since December of 1996, spending time together at least three out of every four weeks. 

"Jake is a little quiet," Dishman said. "I guess we are both kind of reserved people--at least I am. We took bike rides and we didn't talk a whole lot in the beginning. But over time we both opened up. He called me the other day, so that he could read over one of his school reports to me."

Dishman is a good one to discuss academic subjects with. He has a doctorate in pharmacy and teaches at the Veterans Administration. Jake is also academically inclined, particularly in science. He won a prize at the Greater San Diego Science & Engineering Fair for an experiment in which he demonstrated  how to create crystals.

The two have worked together on building an aquarium, putting together a cage for Jake's guinea pig, and building a work bench in Dishman's garage.

One of Jake's favorite excursions was the weekend they went to Death Valley. They watched slides at the visitors center; took a ride through a canyon where they saw petroglyphs; visited an old mining town that is now a ghost town, and explored some sand dunes.

But going places isn't the only reason why Jake so values his relationship with Dishman.

"It's more fun," Jake explained. "He is somebody to look up to."

From the look on Dishman's face, I could tell he was both surprised and moved by Jake's endorsement. "Gee!" was all the Big Brother could say.

Dishman recently was invited for lunch during Passover with Jake's mom and sister, Becky. Dishman is a member of Congregation Beth Am, a Conservative synagogue, while the Kleins are members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun, which is Orthodox. Both households keep kosher.

As the relationship between the Big and Little Brother builds, so too do the opportunities for Jake to pour out his heart to Dishman about whatever concerns him. Jake said he likes to talk to his Big Brother about school. "And," he said, after a moment's hesitation, "about my dad."

Dishman said that after he read an advertisement for Jewish Big Brothers, he realized that he had the time to give to a boy. So he called up Jewish Family Service to express an interest and to go through the orientation and screening processes that JFS and its partner, the Big Brother organization, utilize to make certain that no one unsuitable is matched with a Little Brother.

"They wanted to make sure that I was from a stable environment," Dishman recalled. "They wanted to establish that I didn't have a criminal record, that I was a safe driver, that I was who I said I was; that I wasn't making up any stories. It was pretty thorough. There were two social workers who did separate interviews and they interviewed me together."

Sherry Katz Wexler, the PhD who directs Jewish Big Brother recruitment for Jewish Family Service, said to make certain that no applicant could be a danger to children, would-be Big Brothers are asked a lot of personal questions, are required to submit to a law enforcement fingerprint check, and that their references are thoroughly examined.

There is a woeful shortage of Big Brothers in San Diego County. That is one reason why Jake Klein and Ben Dishman were willing to talk publicly about their special friendship. They hoped that by coming forward they could encourage other men to become involved; to be in some other boy's life the important force that Dishman has been for Jake.

"Right now we have between 10 and 15 little boys on the list," Wexler said. "We will look to match them with Big Brothers who live in the same general area of the county, and who share some of the same hobbies and interests, and who have the same personality style."

Once a relationship is entered into, a Big Brother is expected to give three to four hours a week, three times a month, for at least 18 months, Wexler said. "Of course we hope the relationship will last even longer."

Social workers stay involved in the relationship "to make sure that everything is okay," Wexler said. "If the Big Brother has a problem or concerns about the Little Brother and wants to talk about it with a social worker, that is what the social worker is there for."

While there is a Big Sisters program for girls, Wexler said the need is not nearly so great. Often there are Big Sisters on the waiting list, hoping to find a Little Sister.

"Most single parent families are mother-dominated," Wexler explained. "So moms generally want a male person in the home, a male role model. They don't do cross-gender matching, so while we would have a male role model for a boy, we wouldn't have a male role model for a girl. A lot of moms wouldn't necessarily want another woman for their girl."

I asked Wexler to explain why it is so important that boys have male role models.

Boys "need a positive male influence in their lives, someone they can identify with, someone to hang out with, someone to do things with," she replied. "Especially in a single parent home, where the mom may be working two different jobs, there isn't someone around."

"One thing that is important," she said, "is that children who come from single parent families are often in a lot of turmoil. There can be a lot of stress in the home, and they are driven to be, sometimes, not in a very good crowd. A lot of times they are more prone to delinquent behavior and to using substances.

"Research shows that children who participate in the Big Brother program and other mentor programs like this almost have no delinquency and no substance abuse," she added. "That is a pretty startling statistic: that children from single parent families are three times more likely to use drugs and alochol, while kids in this program have no delinquency or substance abuse."

Asked what she knew about the San Diego County boys who are waiting for a Jewish Big Brother, Wexler replied: "A lot of them are seven-year-olds, who live in North County or in
East County. Several of them have fathers who are deceased, and a number of them have fathers who abandoned their families in a divorce situation.

"Some of them having been waiting a long time," Wexler said. "I can tell you I have one little boy who has been waiting two years already. I have kids who've been waiting such a long time, and they say to their moms, 'When am I going to get my Big Brother?' and when their mothers tell me this, it is so sad. We really need help, especially in the North and East County."